75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love - Fun Loving Families But it'll move up again.". 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Henny Youngman Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. By waking up and repeating this mantra, you will set the tone for the day. A gummy bear. Breasts dont have eyes. 222. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 16. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Jackie Collins Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 1. 253. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. 167. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 82. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Build a bridge. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. 19. Why is England the wettest country? Education cost money. 279. I feed my spirit. Why did the school kids eat their homework? I am calm, patient and at peace. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Bill Murray, 257. 166. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 132. How do astronomers organize a party? Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. I am on a seafood diet. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. And a funny bone. 9. At night, I cant fall asleep. Franklin Jones 199. 187. 42. 215. 128. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. 23. I love my job only when Im on vacation. 5. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. I dont suffer from insanity. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. 232. 38. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. Learn sign language, its very handy. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Its okay if people dont like me. 21. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 168. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. 193. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 223. 80. 175. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. 74. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. 257. 105. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. My chins are a stairway to heaven. 8. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I enjoy every minute of it. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. Cry a river. - Catherine Pulsifer. Emphasis on the cool. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 77. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. avoid carbs. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. 276. 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. 221. He who laughs last didnt get it. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. Use this space for describing your block. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Enjoy! Batwoman: single. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 249. 33. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 88. Honolulu, its got everything. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Effective pushing often involves poop. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. 113. Positive mindset affirmations. Leave me a if you agree! Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 7. I wish my wallet came with free refills. 1. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 171. 269. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. 107. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. 86. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me., 8. 20 Most Powerful Affirmations Because Thoughts Become Things 166. I love living in my unique female body. 112. 11. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. 162. 139. The 50 Funniest Inspirational Quotes - Curated Quotes Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 145. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 22. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 112. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. 2. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. Theres no stopping me now. 154. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. 158. Robert Bloch. 212. Never ask a starfish for directions. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Robert Bloch If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. In between, I am alive., 7. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Socrates. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. I release all shame about my body. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I overcome fears by following my dreams. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 30. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. 258. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Because he was always spotted. In the morning, I cant get up. Decomposing. 142. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 7. I am not letting an episode of my life ruin the entire show. 6. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. 177. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. ~ Bill Gates. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. 190. So far, so good. 174. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. I accept my body the way it is today. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily 7. Not everyone has to like me. 110. You have to go after it with a club. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. 300+ Short Positive Quotes to Brighten Your Day - PsyCat Games When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Why cant you trust an atom? I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. 30. 180+ Positive Affirmations For Kids To Boost Motivation And Confidence I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? I am fine. 110 Positive Funny Affirmations To Make You Smile Daily - The Random Vibez Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. A wishbone. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. 105. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. 149. I am too lazy to be lazy. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 252. It will just flow naturally. 59. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 92. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 131. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. I'm doing great. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Never let anyone waste your time twice. 61. "Today will be a great day". Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. Today is a great day. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. 177. 84. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest 24. 1. 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes to Laugh About - Wealthy Gorilla I am attractive just as I am. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. 179. I nourish my body every day. Not everyone has good taste., 3. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. 182. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way.