But it sounds like dad needs to remove the ginormous stick from his ass and let his daughter fangirl. WWS. Its not cool that Dad is rolling his eyes at his daughters interests and hobbies. Spyglassez And if the mom feels this strongly about it and him interrupting them, I would bet that she complains about her husband to her daughter, which is not OK. Sophronisba Her husband could be one of those people. Im sure BOTH the LW ~and~ her husband could benefit from those. Make it easier for him to be his best self. I love it. LW, you and your husband are a team. Theyll sacrifice a perfect moment of tenderness if they feel there is the possibility of a reciprocal expectation lurking behind the scenes. TV Review: Hitler diaries show fake news didn't begin with the internet, Notorious prisoner Charles Bronson to face public parole hearing, Big Issue seller numbers up due to cost-of-living pressures, says founder, Watch for the April 5 investment tax change, Preparing for a future sale of your business, Tom Allen is Completely committed to comedy and 'Auntie Glo', Weekend Q&A: ran Clarke from NI Opera's Nobody/Somebody, Mary Kelly: Unionists' tendency to turn a gift horse into a tin of dogmeat is legendary - and their Westminster chums are getting fed-up with it. Your email address will not be published. My ex-husband had custody for 6 1/2 years. And, as I am sure you know from previous experience, exploding doesn't make anything better. July 2, 2013, 12:28 pm. But I cant help but think if you were only into cheerleaders, makeup and boys, that it would have been GOOD of your stepfather to encourage you to read more, even if it meant saying something along the lines that youd regret not knowing more about the literary world or about current events. Talk about missing the point. 6napkinburger Tell you husband to ease up a little bit. I wonder, though, if it would seem less like forcing if maybe the mother and father both liked to camp? This can look like moving to a far away place, convincing you your. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Cardinals games and all. As your confusion increased, you probably felt a stronger need to make things happen the way they should, while your partner accused you of obsessively tracking his or her every move. Heck, where would we be without Star Trek? You became a drudge, in spite of him being a great guy and loving you madlybecause. These dreams can also give you advice about what you need to do to steer your life in the direction you would like it to go. Jordan was my fave back in the day. Shes all the better for it. Which is exactly why she wrote in. I actually had the opposite relationship growing up. Your Family Doesn't Want To See You Together. Thats awesome! All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. I was afraid the BS stood for something else. Im not saying that to excuse the dads behavior if hes being mean, but if the LW truly wants to do the best thing for her daughter, she needs to do something that 1) Doesnt encourage her daughter to dislike her dad and 2) Actually makes him stop being mean, because what shes doing now clearly isnt working. It doesnt necessarily mean I hate it when you talk about Buffy. And we always managed to have fun and more than a few laughs. After all, youre two different people with different perspectives, needs, and wants. My dad would also try to do things we liked. Many things can contribute to this type of conflicts, such as personality clashes or differing parenting styles. , temperance July 2, 2013, 12:02 pm. And that is kind of ok out of respect, if he hands me the remote, I put on things hed like, not what i like. July 2, 2013, 12:46 pm. Obviously, this is as much your husbands job as it is yours, but right now it seems hes threatened by the bond you share with your daughter and is acting childish. Your husband sounds like a jerk. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. He needs to learn to be a bit more respectful of his daughters choices and to compromise which would be modeling good behavior for his child to learn. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Other times it means standing up for yourself and telling both sides what you think. Surely, they can find a few places where their interests overlap a little bit. So, so not like me. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'therelationshipnotes_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_1',103,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-medrectangle-3-0'); My daughter seems to resent my husband, and my husband just doesnt seem to know how to connect with her. . You need to be aware that it is possible he may resist your attempts to change things and he may even get angry, so you will need to stand firm. And theyre relationship suffered because my dad never made an effort to step up and show interest in what he was interested in. And make it a good one. My dad tried to practice volleyball with me even though I was awful, but I wouldnt call that trying to force me to like it. My favorite things in the world when I was a kid were books, baton twirling, girl scouts, dance, and trivia game shows. Required fields are marked *. Theres alot wrong going on here, the parents should definitely get counseling to learn better communication and parenting skills. lets_be_honest When I was 12 I was into makeup, boys and candy. His ambition and strong work ethic filled you with admiration. I was so annoyed! But the show as a whole, awesome. All these behaviors contribute to the problem and are probably making the daughter less inclined to spend time with him. Manchester United bidders move to the next stage of takeover process', Remo Freuler admits Everton's visit is biggest game of season for Forest. This can cause a lot of tension in the family. She's madly in love with him but it seems he's no nearer to noticing her feelings than he was when she started. Blow out the torches! He showed me culture, gave me an enjoyment of the arts and it was one on one time that was genuine. Its that shes finding she doesnt always like her dad. Saying they were weird made me feel like the lesser for having been touched by their stories. Theyre bonding against him because hes being hurtful to both of them. If dad were interested in making an effort, he could find some common ground there and use that to tie into what he is interested in. He let us put makeup on him. How are those pre-teen interests? He's always putting him down. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_18',131,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_19',131,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0_1');.mobile-leaderboard-2-multi-131{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:600px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}However, when conflict arises between a parent and child, it can be even more difficult to resolve. He(now) jokes that he and my mom missed out on the music of the 80s (and therefore dont know any of it) because they were listening to the wheels on the bus on repeat for the entire decade. My parents still make fun of me for a movie I wanted to watch when I was 8 because it was so awful. My other daughter moved out recently into a flat-share with some friends. For example, younger children may not be able to express themselves as well and may need help doing so. For my husband he has to do all the driving. Frankly, I dont know ANYBODY who had such strange mutual worships WITH their parents I dunno, back in the 1980s most parents were actually grown ups, I guess. One teenager in the house is bad enough But TWO must be exhausting. Asshole My son had his wedding days ago. She gets too invested in her daughters life. They wouldnt do that, would they? I was trying to figure out how to phrase it. Youve talked about this over and over and your husband still interrupts your conversations because they annoy him? I have to keep an eye on myself to make sure Im more mom than friend. Your first reaction is to take sides, but you realize that would be a mistake. You need to be very careful, then, to avoid reacting out of worry or false guilt. If your teenager is starting to pull away, it is important to resist the urge to panic or try to force them to spend more time with you. Um, no. Camping? Express your love and offer your help as opportunities arise. I mean, really, isnt that how you build a relationship with anyone? July 3, 2013, 9:47 am. I had and to some extent probably still have some self-esteem issues that stemmed from my dads iffy parenting. Ive been there. (And those are two things I didnt care for as a kid that I really like now.) So as a clearly NOT fan girl, its pretty good! I desperately wanted to be an astronaut? July 2, 2013, 11:05 am. Heck no! Cool! Hes trying to be a parent to her and teach her what he thinks is important for her to know, while I am trying to encourage her to develop her own interests and do what she loves. Also, this is tangential, but Im always amused/annoyed when people are criticized for being geeks but if the topic at hand were sports, no one would say a thing. To me, there are some red flags in this letter; the fathers ridicule of the daughters interests, and his labeling her as lacking initiative because shes not into the same things he is, jump right out at me. YES! The conflict between your husband and daughter is bound to happen. July 2, 2013, 10:32 am. painted_lady Do they really want intimacy but fear that their need will end up in entrapment? If he simply refuses to see that there is a problem and you continue to feel miserable, I suggest you consider talking things through with a Relate counsellor (relate.org.uk). He's clearly not interested in her and I don't want to look stupid when I ask him. Im sorry, but the father is an asshole. Hold on there, NKOTB are STILL awesome! I consider myself mature and intelligent, yet Ill still watch mindless shit sometimes. How frustrating for your husband that you have turned your daughter into a clone of all the things about you that are probably annoying to him Things he has quietly tolerated for years But now are somehow totally taking OVER your lives. Thats unfortunate (to say the least! Everyone can have a relaxing hobby. And aside from all the other suggestions people have made, like neutral activities such as mini golf and ice cream, what about a trade? FWIW, I didnt get that vibe either, Fabelle. LWs daughter should definitely be involved with some enriching activities, but theres no harm at all in loving media. So insightful! I thought Wendys first sentence was actually pretty snotty which surprised the heck out of me. Why should your husband treat her that way?? FUCK BOARD GAMES. One of her friends had already seen the series and the others wanted to come over and watch the show on Netflix. Um, Im in my twenties and all my friends like these things. I think the dad sounds like kind of a jerk, and heres why growing up (and now, lets be real), I was a total geek for many things, including Star Wars (and I was born in 84, so it was years behind the times for me, too). How dare she share her own interests. If not, don't let this spoil your friendship and do what you can to keep her busy with other things so that she has less time to focus on this guy. But I also honestly think that the husband/dad might not be such a jerk face if he wasnt 100% put on the back burner. I would suggest planning outings for just your husband and your daughter maybe to an arcade, out to a movie, mini golf,etc so that they can spend time together by themselves. Although Mom does need to step up and encourage a stronger relationship between the two of them, its ultimately Dads responsibility to cultivate that relationship. AITA for not driving my wife to our son's wedding since I'm not invited? Yeah the dictating that she cant even listen to songs sometimes in the car is way over the top. He is your best friend, your teammate and your partner. Hes so dreamy, if not annoyingly alpha-male-y. But he also doesnt need to pretend to like whatever she is in to. I get that it is tough to have her be mad at you sometimes even though you really enjoy the things she does, but that is just part of being a parent, and keeping a healthy marriage. I just wonder if there is an approach I have not considered. Just like if she says like every other word someone needs to point that out and keep pointing it out until she does something about it. as well, which is probably why this struck a chord with me. I thought that was actually really funny. Most of them are women. Fruits and veggies are healthier than potato chips thats a fact. But no amount of time spent is going to make an experience with someone who doesnt really respect you as you are more enjoyable. But in college I fell in love with art history and now I actually take days off work to go visit art museums! Would I have said, at 12 or 13, Hey Dad, hows about a trip to Home Depot on this fine Sunday? He started throwing me out at 13 for reasons like my friend being weird, my hair being weird, my music being terrible, etc. Educational trivia game, reading articles and discussing them together or in a game format. The LW can do more to assist, and certainly needs to break away from the us versus him mentality (its easier said that done) but at the same time she cant force 2 other people to enjoy their time together. There are many things I love about my husband. Randi Gunther, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor practicing in Southern California. Also, now I know how to fix stuff. So, based on my experience, its not helpful to your daughter to make it you against him. TONS of teenagers are interested in Buffy, Firefly, and (new) Star Trek. Id like you to point out the things that you find fun or interesting along the way so I can see it from your eyesand then next week, the new Star Trek movie is out on DVD, so I would love for you to watch it with me. (There was plenty of that too, but I felt like dismissing my nerdy interests hit the hardest because I felt like science-fiction, fantasy, history, video games and books taught me a lot of personal lessons about life, loss, and persevering. But as a kid/teen, I wanted him to play. Not while professing such love for me and genuinely remorseful when Im upset. I agree, of course people can be smart and informed and still like other stuff too. Remember, your relationship with your spouse should come first. Im willing to bet you (and me and others) would have done the same thing back to him when he mentioned something that you didnt like. And I really do think he has been 100%, maybe even 110% put on the back burner. As a counterpoint, I loved all the things my dad liked and he tried to do things I liked. And for your husband to expect your daughter to have more than your own vapid interests, REALLY doesnt make him a bad parent. All rights reserved. it seems to . I really think if said in the right context, you can support both your husband and your daughter. I didnt say she was liking or disliking things to get close to her daughter. You got a long with him just fine before she got in to this stage in life, and you need to act like a grown-up every once in a while, because this guys is losing his wife and his daughter, partly because you want to be her friend more than her parent all of the time. Maybe raising a daughter with a social perspective. Shes not pulling away from the husband because he doesnt have the same interests as her daughter. I enjoyed it so much, I went both mornings. I mean freak out and force your kid to read something if they cant, not if you dont like that they choose to read Harry Potter in their free time. bittergaymark We had some past issues that affected our relationship. Think of it this way: the car insurance typically follows the car, not the driver. Its so longgggggggg! But that means he has to find something that *will* interest her, which means hes got to make some effort as well. He liked baseball and trivia and languages and anthropology all stuff I didnt really care about. (I remember one long drive when i was little where we ran out of all other cds and they suffered through it for a little while and I was happy as a clam, but eventually they couldnt deal with it anymore). July 2, 2013, 12:07 pm. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. July 2, 2013, 12:12 pm. Sci-Fi is a great gateway to get kids interested in sciencethere was a museum exhibit traveling around called Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination, and theres a similar one about Indiana Jones and archaeology.